Updated: Feb 28, 2020
It could be the Full Moon or the Eclipse energy. Ascension often breeds great introspection, reflection and, ultimately, creativity; so perhaps, growth is responsible. I could be in desperate need of rest and distorting reality as a symptom. It could be the THC. And I can't neglect the possibility of it all being a byproduct of living in an era where we literally live through screens with no boundaries on what's personal or scared, simply seizing seconds to display our next mini-drama to a device of faithful viewers.
But whatever the reason, be it righteous or otherwise, I am fully present in the moment and eager to reflect upon every moment. With intention and with reverence, amongst many other things.
I don't have words. They're all in the songs. Which I suppose is the point, but remains glorious nevertheless. I am falling in love with myself again. This time, as both Womban and more. That part of me without tangible form, yet exists in Spirit and in breath. It is not the kind of Love that summons butterfly to stomach. But a wiser Love, perhaps. A love with a higher sense of awareness. A Love that gently smiles at the Shadow roaring and foaming at its darkest whilst trembling inside. A Love that just sits with me in my sorrow so that I am able to understand the nature of loneliness. A Love that whispers, "You shouldn't be so hard on your Self" and affirms, "I am enough." A Love that allows me to FEEL with no barbed wire around the feelings that aren't polite, rational nor attractive. A Love that sees me as I am when I am however I am. Without judgment.
When there's a problem, one should always go to the Source. It's not enough to subdue the symptom. You've got to heal the the thing. This is medicinal. This is healing. This is alchemy. This is personal. I am the beginning and the end, the problem and the solution, the light and the dark. Awareness is key. Syncronocity has echoed these truths back to me over and over again. As I observe and reflect, awareness grants me power. Wisdom to employ as I recognise how I've contributed to my reality and the great power I have to change it...to change me, Self.
Each time I stepped into the studio this round felt like something sacred, something new. I rediscovered my voice. I met a part of me that I'd never encountered so intimately. I was my Self fully and apologetically. And just when I thought I had her all gathered, something would present another aspect of Self. A conversation. A chord. A prayer. A Stone. A scent. A note. A taste. A motion. A thought. All roads, leading back to one place. It's interesting, there was a great deal of 'light' in this recording round. A different energy, comparable to my Solar Plexus in energy. Whereas the first round felt very heavy. Like each time I approached the microphone, it was with a bag of burdens to lay at the altar. There was a lot of frustration with Self. A great deal of emotions that were very thick and sticky in nature and I sat untangling them, singing through each knot. I don't nod my head to either as superior to the other. Each experience matters. Each feeling matters. Each energy matters to the whole of ME and I will hold sacred space for them equally.
I am grateful to be surrounded by so many positive and talented people. And I am even more grateful that they in any way give a damn about little ol' me. This round saw a great deal of friends, colleagues and damn good folks gift me with their presence. We played and discussed good music. Mama's Gun and a little Black Messiah over good wine. Full Moon releases and New Moon intentions. Good jokes and good hummus. Good people, good vibes. First round, I came and went alone. I was honestly almost secretive in nature. There was a heavy load on my chest. Stone-like emotion constantly threatening to snatch my breath. I released there, too, but in solitude and darkness. It's amazing how quickly a beautiful sky can be overrun by storm clouds. Nevertheless, their sacred spaces hold equal weight in my heart. Sometimes, I want to be alone for as long as I'd like to be. And sometimes, company is the only cure. Balance.
I am writing it out, working it out and living it out. I'm going to unplug for a bit. Rest. Breathe. Relax. Be. Everything's unfolding as it should. I am unfolding as I should. And the music is unfolding as it should as well. Hearing my vision manifest. Watching my healing manifest. It's all rather beautiful and I am grateful. And in reflection, I am reminded that this is important work. That the flower needs both rain and sunshine to grow. I push forward with it all and I give thanks for the tribe around me lending a hand or two.
#TheDualitySessions Round 3 coming in August....