I Said What I Said…
And I meant it. Just not in the manner in which most may have received it. Let me explain.
There are many layers to my creative life, as is true with many facets of existence. In life, my experiences exist on a physical and spiritual plane. Comparably, I observe many “planes” within my artistry. The manner of artist I am requires great personal and emotional sacrifice. I cannot afford the safe or surface level. My expression demands so much more of me. I must laugh, and break, and feel, and cry, and crumble, and isolate, and return, and restore, and relate and create…all in order to heal and live fully. It’s very personal. But in making this very personal calling available for public consumption — by art, name and brand — an array of other layers emerge that I don’t enjoy like the “business” of the thing. Required movement when I desire stillness. Interaction when I yearn for isolation. In short, it’s hard when you’re built the way I am.
So when I quit a few weeks ago, of course I didn’t mean it literally. How can I quit what keeps me alive, sane, whole and healed? The gift of song is one I don’t take lightly no matter how overwhelmed I may be in life. But in personal meditation and with wise words from good council, I realized the truth in what I declared. And it’s that I quit hiding. I quit meticulously piecing a fragile perception of perfection together for the consumption of others. I quit the impossible balance of everyone else’s expectations, thoughts or desires of me. I quit comparing. I quit draining myself empty for work that does not fill me in exchange for money or to stay “booked and busy”. I quit sugarcoating my truth out of fear of what an offended party may feel. I did quit that day. And I have been made fuller and happier for it.
So as Jhené Aiko said, I’ve been drinking red wine every night at bedtime. I’ve been alchemizing pain into prose, grief into melody, hope into affirmation and affirmation into practice. I’ve been purging onto page. I’ve been giving voice to what I need. I sing, shout, cry, sigh, laugh, and moan freely aloud. There’s purpose in it all. And in following purpose, I find peace that surpasses all understanding. Naturally, as you focus on what’s real…everything else fades away.
I’ve been in and out of the studio on the low with some artists and musicians I highly respect and enjoy. The music has naturally stripped itself. There’s a very intimate emphasis on the story of the thing that can be heard in the music itself. It reminds me of the days when I was hopping coffee shop to bar with just my guitar and my voice. I’m sweeping up the dust and debris from past collapses, buffing and shining what remains with pride. Songs like, “I’m Just Missing You, That’s All”, “Uptown” and “Fire” give voice to my pain and rage while newer melodies like “4U” remind me that I am a Lover and there’s absolutely no shame in that. Love can’t thrive in fear. So note after note, lyric after lyric and harmony after harmony we’ve been casting fear out in our little studio sanctuary.
And I think it’s important that I add, these upcoming releases will likely be nothing you expect. What’s to come is very much where my feet are with consideration for where they’ve been. There’s a lot less overthinking and a lot more doing, feeling and expressing. And when it’s ready, it’s ready and you either love it or hate it. But it’s mine. And it’s raw. And it’s real.
That’s more than enough 🧚🏾♀️ Visit my Instagram here to check out a brief recap from our latest studio vibe including a sneak peek listen to a demo for the soul remix of “4U”:
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